Crankmob Gang Warz - Been there, done that (most of it), got the citation for CVC 21106(b).

First, a warning. Officer P. asked us to pass this along, and since he was a reasonably fair guy, and this is something some of you may want to know about, here it is:

Starting next week, individuals getting pulled over on party rides and cited WILL HAVE THEIR BIKES CONFISCATED.

Next Saturday's All Day Bike Ride / Event is entitled "The Death of Fun", and given the prophetic nature of the last few ride names, it's probably a good time to a) put a little extra effort into riding in a law abiding manner, and b) don't bring a bike you can't live without on a group ride (there are plenty of rideable/nearly rideable mountain bikes on craigslist for less than $100). Obviously, they're not going to confiscate the bike of every violator, but it would be a major drag if it was yours, so common sense may help here.

I'd been pretty ambivalent about attending this month's Crank Mob.

On the one hand, this ride is the biggest party ride in L.A., which probably puts it in contention for the biggest regular party ride anywhere in the states, and a ton of my cycling friends are usually there, so it's usually a pretty great time.

On the other hand, this ride is the biggest party ride in L.A., which means it's a lot like a mobile nightclub with no age restrictions and no bouncers, which means inebriated teenagers, people using the crowd as an outlet for anti-social behavior, and this ride was called Gang Warz, which kinda seemed like a bad idea. With the theft/tagging that's occurred on a number of rides lately, that title just seemed absurd, even if the organizers of the ride intended the "gangs" to be (and for the most part they were) festively costumed pirates, aliens, girls in small leopard print outfits, girls in small non-leopard print outfits, folks with red helmet mohawks, '50s greasers, etc., etc., etc.

So I rolled out to Crankmob Park where a couple of hundred people had gathered. After shooting the breeze for a bit and helping a few folks make some last minute adjustments, we gathered behind Alec on a tall bike, and made our way around Culver City and up Robertson and La Cienega to Hollywood. Alec on his tall bike, and Richie on his taller bike, Kabuki Sky, brought joy to the masses. It's amazing how excited people get about seeing a tall bike. There was one group of little kids standing out on the sidewalk who absolutely LOVED seeing Kabuki Sky roll by.

After a while, we got to the first stop, Pan Pacific Park:



This was the first gathering point, as the ride outgrew it's previous starting point on Sawtelle in West L.A., so people rode in groups from various parts of the city and gathered here.

Lots and lots of people showed up.



There was a live band, jump rope, and fun was had by all. After a while, we got back on our bikes and headed off for what should have been a fairly short jaunt to the next stop. Unfortunately, I was in the back half of the group, so by the time we got toward the Ralph's which was our destination, someone who had arrived earlier had apparently decided not to pay for his items, and caused the police to be dispatched. (Apparently one of the ride organizers helped apprehend the thief. WELL DONE SIR.)

Lots of police were dispatched.

Who, by strategically blocking intersections directed the group out of West Hollywood and up toward actual Hollywood.

Then we headed East on Hollywood Blvd., which was pretty much a total fiasco.

Poorly corked/run intersections, irate motorists, cyclists not used to riding in groups, made for a BIG mess. I tried to time the intersections so I entered them on a green light, but with a group of close to 1,000 cyclists, some of the motorists were getting impatient, especially if they'd waited through the previous few lights and were trying to make a left turn.

We continued over the 101 on Hollywood Blvd. through Thai Town, and shortly after passing through an intersection, one I'd tried to enter on a green light, despite dozens and dozens of people in front of me who'd completely blown it, I heard an engine revving and a voice saying "Pull over!" "Pull over!" "All six of you pull over!"

I pulled over. One young woman didn't stop as quickly, and the patrol car swerved next to her, and the officer in the passenger seat flung his door open and she slowed down but still ran into it. (This officer was a rookie, I'm guessing (hoping), and like rookie cops in the movies, he'll be providing the comic relief in this scene.)

So we sat on the curb, as directed, while the driver, Officer P. called for backup, and explained to us that this ride had been causing major problems (14 service calls so far, 2 car accidents, and according to what he'd heard over the radio, some people had started breaking windows.) He also explained that he COULD cite us all for reckless driving, or running a red, but WOULD be citing us for CVC 21106(b), which is basically a jaywalking ticket (jaycycling?), and would be substantially cheaper and would not be a moving violation / affect our car insurance. He also explained that his superiors had been encouraging confiscation of bikes, and that we should be aware that bike confiscations by the police will begin in earnest over the next few weeks.

So, while he was explaining this to us, his partner (the assumed rookie) had apparently become convinced that these evening group bicycle rides were the expression of some sinister anarchist cabal, and began asking us questions like "Are you guys anarchists?" and "Did you guys like that movie "V for Vendetta"? Pretty good movie huh?"

Now, in dealing with law enforcement, I generally find the best plan to be quiet and contrite, but this guy was really making it tough. I may be a lot of things (I was called "Mr. Wrench Guy" and "Fatass" on this ride alone (by a fellow rider and a surly pedestrian respectively), but an anarchist I most certainly am not. (If this officer were seriously looking for those out to undermine local government, he could probably start with the mayor's office and the city council, who have made this city an absolute laughingstock. Some of the worst public schools in the country, the most economically segregated city in the country, and the home of fewer Fortune 500 companies than any number of tiny burgs, and a hundred some million dollar budget deficit. Talk about damaging to the city's future, good grief.)

Meanwhile, an LAPD helicopter was making big circles a mile or so away, presumably where the rest of the riders were.

After a few minutes, Officer P. began handing out citations, except for one guy, who apparently had 2 outstanding warrants worth some $80,000 bail according to the officer; he was cuffed and placed in the back of the squad car. (Not to self, going to group rides with outstanding warrants is probably not a good plan. (Nor is HAVING outstanding warrants in the first place, but I digress.)) Meanwhile some random cyclist came riding up on the sidewalk, ignored the officers direction to go around us, and found himself cited for riding on the sidewalk (which I believe is legal in Los Angeles), and not having a front light on his bike (which is not), but basically was cited for having a bad attitude, as he treated the cop like a friend he disagreed with, more or less "dude, ok, whatever" which is rarely a good plan.

So I signed my citation, got my copy, grabbed my bike, and rode on home. I suppose I could have caught up with the group, but I was pretty much done, so I turned down a side street and headed homeward.

Caught Santa Monica and had a nice ride through East/West Hollywood, saw people out for a fun evening, hookers, transvestites, transvestite hookers, and a surprising number of my fellow crankmobbers, who kept turning up at random intervals, which was pretty cool.

Santa Monica's not a bad ride, and there's a bike lane for some parts of it, so I took it from East of the 101 all the way to Sepulveda, then down Sepulveda back to Palms.

So notes for next time:
Bring an expendable bike.
Obey the law extra-carefully.
Be respectful to law enforcement if you have to talk to them, they might cut you a break.

I swear, I am having absolutely no luck getting my miles ridden / dollars spent ratio into positive territory.

Between the ridiculous pink fixie that got out of hand, my lack of riding recently, this citation, and now the $ I'm going to have to spend getting the 20+yr old MTB I bought for $25 the other day up and running so I don't have to cry if it gets taken (lawfully or un), I'd better start putting in the miles.

It WAS a beautiful night though, and I got in 20+ miles and made it home safely, so I really can't complain.

In closing, I leave you with Jon LaJoie's latest song. It's a little more philosophical than his previous work, so enjoy.



Further bulletins as events warrant.